congratulations, you were all right.
28/5/12, 0 notes
Are you happy now? You told me I was being stupid and I didn’t listen. I hope you’re all feeling incredibly smug.
I trusted him and he fucked me over, once again. Only this time it feels so much worse. We were on the phone for over an hour on Saturday night and not once did he mention this new girl. I had to find out about my best friends’ new relationship from facebook. Actually, no. From a text another one of my best friends sent me, checking I was ok.
After he told me 4 weeks ago there was no-one else.
After he told me 4 weeks ago that he just didn’t want a relationship right now.
To my face. You broke down the walls around me, got me to talk about how we feel about eachother, stayed up all night with me, made me feel like it was all alright.
I honestly thought that by now I would be able to tell if you were lying. I thought this time you were being genuine. I thought that maybe this time you weren’t messing me around. That you actually had a bit more respect for me.
But once again I was just fucking there.
You are my best friend and you’re the only one I want to be here to hold me right now while I cry.
But you’re the reason I want to sit and cry. The reason why today I keep finding myself crying without noticing it start.
People don’t understand why I keep running back to you. I don’t either, to be quite honest. You’ve rendered me completely emotionally unavailable, ruined any capacity I had to trust people and smashed my self esteem like it was made of glass. I feel awful, because so many of my friends have been there to pick up the mess he’s made of my life, and yet I still place him alongside them when I consider who my ‘best’ friends are.
But I still, even now, keep remembering how happy we are when we’re together. How we can talk about nearly anything, talk for 3 hours without realising where the time has gone. How your hands fit around mine so perfectly. How you’ve told me you love me.
Nobody is ever going to understand this. Ever. A lot of people have gone through the same, just in their own way.
You’re the only person I want to talk to right now and you won’t even reply to me.
If you’re going to deny bullshitting me all this time then at least stand up for yourself when I prove you wrong. I’m supposed to be your best friend. You’re supposed to want to fight for me.
